Friday, 25 July 2014

Are Relationships Easy?

Different people can connect

When it comes to relationships; the fantasies of many go wild; especially if it has to do with a love relationship. Many people watch too many movies or read too many romantic novels. What many forget is that these works of fiction or even non-fiction are fabrications of creative people. They are works of great directors who perhaps want to sell their imagination or something like that.
The scenes of these movies are normally shot again and again; the pages of the novels rewritten severally until the desired art are achieved. They are mostly a step away or far from reality. We don’t get to rehearse or even go back in time to undo or redo our activities or decisions to fit perfection.
If you allow the course of your relationships to be dictated by movies, you will end up like the movies. Your relationship will miscarry or expire in no time. Marriage, family and close relationships are not easy.
 Every relationship is work and demands effort. Relationships require intentional decisions. You can’t just do things anyhow and expect things to go your way. Things won’t go your way because you want them to, you must work to make things go your way. No two people are the same and that makes relating to others quite challenging.
Relationships are easy to start, but intricate and “expensive” to maintain, even friendship. Most people are interested in lifelong relationship journeys, and not a momentarily one, but many are reluctant to pay the price. If you want your relationships not to take a nosedive when the going get though, but last a lifetime, you must do things differently. If you don’t want to experience what the masses experience then you must isolate yourself from the masses by changing your strategy and approach in life.
1)    Enter a relationship with a realistic view and expectation
Many enter relationships, friendships or marriages expecting everything to go well. That is not bad in itself. Of course being optimistic disposes one to do and attract positive things, but optimism without a little dose of anticipation of evil is great tomfoolery.
For some couples, because they love each other, they consider their relationship as indestructible. They expect good things to happen to them on a silver platter, but such fantasies are far from realities. Most people’s expectations are fabricated upon skewed information from telenovelas, movies or soap operas. As such, their relationships are founded on shaky grounds. Even friendships are not easy. It is easy to make one but way difficult to keep.
 The best way to approach any relationship is to enter it expecting problems. It is only when you expect problems that you will develop the necessary schemes (ahead of time) to get through when the storms set in.

2)    Expect more from yourself, expect less from the other.
Most people enter into relationships with a twisted view of the benefits without regard to the terms and conditions of engagement. It is only when you give that you get. Don’t enter a relationship looking at what is at stake for you and how you will get that benefit by all means. Direct such focus unto yourself instead. Focus on ways you can offer by all means.
Approach each relationship with the commitment to contribute your quota, making less your expectation of the other. Of course, you deserve better treatment too. But it is what you give in a relationship that you normally get. If you are giving nothing then expect nothing.

3)    Pursue
Lifelong relationships require efforts and commitments. They require intentional decisions. That means resolving to take responsibility for the growth of the relationship. Entering any relationship is not getting to a destination. It is the beginning of the journey. It is actually the beginning of the learning. You might make mistakes but you shouldn’t stop there. You have to decide to make learning and growing a daily affair.
Instead of waiting or expecting to be pursued, rather go after the other person. Desiring another person is necessary if we are to enjoy any relationship. We must regularly engage such desires if we want to enjoy loving someone. Intimacy only comes when couples, partner or friends pursue each other   relentlessly.

4)    Balance your life
You can’t expect to reap where you haven’t sown, at least not in relationships. The priorities and spending of a person determine who she/he is and who he/she will become.  Our priorities and spending vividly reflect where we want to end up. You cannot spend all your energies and time on your career and spend less of that on your relationships and expect them (your relationships) to be indestructible. You must balance your life if you want to win at your career and win at your relationships too. Simply put, you must approach relationships just as you will approach a career you want to be successful at.

5)    Develop the right perspective about success
Overnight success is rare and those who experience it have normally taken daily decisions that got them there or have been working behind the scene. True success is not that lifetime opportunity (that comes to change your life forever suddenly). True success doesn’t come immediately or automatically; applying diligent effort over time, brings them. Success does not come when you meet the right person (who will connect you to something big) or help you make enough money.
 Success is not even working h-a-r-d! The truth is that success no matter how one will define it, will never take away ones worries, problems or challenges.
Money is not a miracle. We hear stories, again and again, of people who are highly accomplished professionally and are stinkingly rich but are miserably unhappy. Money does not bring happiness. You can be rich and famous and yet have problems or challenges that refuse to go away. Money like the Bible said, “answers all things”. (Ecclesiastes 10:19) But what the Bible didn’t say is that answers money brings last forever.
Don’t wait to be successful in other areas of your life before you pay attention to your relationships. Pay attention to what is necessary and important. Refuse to procrastinate or postpone doing what is apt. True success is daily doing the right things. It is daily applying diligent effort over time with our love ones in mind. It applying our best effort at being our best to family, friends and those we have relationships with. You can be successful by winning everyday; achieving your goals daily. Making decisions daily base on germane values and priorities can produce those little results that will amalgamate to make you that big shot.
 Relationships like any venture demands the right investments to produce desired results. Don’t wait for tomorrow to invest in important relationships. You can win at your relationships daily by setting daily goals and doing them. It is better to be respected by those closest to you compared to fans miles away.

You can choose to win at everything; or lose at some and win at some. Winning one step at a time is the best way to succeed at everything. Family, marriage, close relationship and friendship   aren’t easy.  With a resolve to stay committed and a developed strategy for the tough times, you should be able to tackle any problem that comes up. 

Copyright © 2014, Jacob Nana Kwesi Dapaah.

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